China 24: Re: emailing in China (very little to do w/ China)
March 26, 2005
laura,
Sorry to hear about Nick stealing your shit. I was pretty surprised. From what I know of him he wouldn't go that far for the credit. Did you confront him? Anyway it's just a letter, at least you can take pride in the fact that you can write good letters for whenever you have a need, and Nick will just have to find someone else's to steal.
So I was going to go on a run on this beautiful saturday morning, but I saw my brother had left for school, so I decided to take advantage of the little computer time I have here. But I'm torn because I really need to go for a run. I'm beginning to realize how important balance is in life (back to Buddhism). Without doubt I think pretty intensely (though not always effectively), and that can be some tiring shit. I think I even think when I sleep. So I need a period when I can just absolutely kill myself by pushing my body to the brink of fatigue and collapse. I gotta balance my mental and bodily stresses. If I'm gonna choose to live so intensely and stressfully then I got to balance it out.
Anyway, last night was Friday night, so we had our typical movie to watch as a group. This night it was at my house, and the group chose among my 70 dvds the one dvd that I really didn't want to share with the world. I guess I take a lot of pride in the media I collect. You know songs, books, and movies that I find particulary applicable to my life. Most of the time I willingly share, actually I proclaim what these songs, books, or movies are as if to announce to the world, "Yes, I am a sensitive, literate, intellectual being." I mean with songs like "Mr. Jones" and "Satellite" and even "Walk Away" (ben harper) they all really mean something to me, but at the same time I think to a certain extent they are just another part of my self-made image.
However, this movie I was so reluctant to watch with the group. I considered it my own. I had first seen it in London when I had a day there on my own waiting for my soccer team to meet me the next day for our tour of England. So I ended up going to this little theater somewhere near Sherlock Holmes "residence", and it was showing Fareinheit 911(I know that's spelled wrong) and Before Sunset. Having already seen Fareinheit 911 the day before in Paris, I opted for the second which apparently was a crappy romance movie.
But walking out of the theater after watching the movie, I was engrossed in thought and revalation by the movie that had just articulated the hazy notions of life that constantly distract my concentration. To me this movie was me, or at least a huge part of me at this point in my life. (I'm sure as I grow older I'll laugh at how stupid I was to believe such a thing.) A few days ago, I found the prequel to Before Sunset and watched it on my own. Same deal. To put it how Eliot Smith put it, "I was in love with the world through the eyes of a [movie]"
Anyway, as I held up each of my 70 dvd's for the group to nix or yea, I came to these two dvds and I held them up believing that nobody would have heard of them or even be attracted by the dull cover. And of course I hear Celine say, "I love that movie!" or something like that, and putting it dramatically my heart dropped for two reasons. One, the fact that someone else could maybe have the same affinity for a movie I felt uniquely mine. Two, because watching this movie would be like reading my dairy (if I had one) outloud for their entertainment if I chose to tell them how revealing it was to me. (Which the expression on my face probably gave away, though I always tend to think my body gives off a lot more obvious signals than people actually catch.) But what was I to do? So we watched it, and everybody loved it. And the night was over.
So now the secret is out, if you want to know David Wang watch these two movies. And you know what, now that I'm announcing it and that the movies are no longer uniquely mine in my mind, maybe all I'm doing be writing this email is add to my own image. Since I can no longer feel unique about my understanding of this movie. Or maybe when I watch it I do feel closer than anybody else does. But w/e. C'est la vie, non?
Thinking about what I just wrote it seems corny, but I guess these emails are sort of my diary and people end up reading it because I can't stand writing something so secret that it will never be known. And I guess you might just read these emails for your interest or entertainment, and even my blog is for people's interest and entertainment. But it's, in Anna Nalick's words, my blogs and my emails are basically "my diary screaming outloud." People probably read w/e I write and don't comprehend what the hell I'm saying even if they understand the words I wrote. But at least I don't have to be present while my "diary" being read feeling embarassed that something means so much to you might be stupid or banal or corny to others. I mean do other peopel have this reaction to things that are not their own yet seem so personal that you hate that just anyone can experience it feeling some interest but not the deep seeded bond between it and your truthes and dilemnas. You know what even what I was just talking about is discussed in Before Sunrise, "the ability to love is the ability to totally understand a person."
So please excuse teenage boy life questioning rambles.
In other news, I guess I found out early from Carleton. Because I wasn't supposed to find out till April 1, but my dad called the other day to let me know that I needed a Visa to get back into China after going to Hong Kong and that I got in to college. I wasn't that excited, I'm not exactly sure why. I mean like you, I'm pumped about going, but I'm also going to miss my life. When I think back to this years soccer season I'm so pissed that I didn't work even harder to make the tournement or if I just ran a little harder would it of killed me? And thinking back to France, did I really value that experience enough. The images in my head of it are so beautiful. And did I make the right choices in high school? Should I of quit basketball? Was I nice to the people I care about? And why the hell did I decide to take AP Math for four years when I could've been learning Chinese which is what really matters right now.
Anyway this turned into a real mess of an email. Along the way I kinda forgot what I needed to respond to in your email, but I find that I actually don't like it when people respond to my actual comments in my emails b/c they never understand me. After all they are my makeshift diary. (Not that you shouldn't respond to this email, just make sure to add your own tough you know.) So I was gonna blog something today, and I think this email took me too long so I'm gonna post it. I hope you don't mind.
d
ps. I don't give a shit about a limo or really prom. As long as we all have a good time together.
pss.
laura,
Sorry to hear about Nick stealing your shit. I was pretty surprised. From what I know of him he wouldn't go that far for the credit. Did you confront him? Anyway it's just a letter, at least you can take pride in the fact that you can write good letters for whenever you have a need, and Nick will just have to find someone else's to steal.
So I was going to go on a run on this beautiful saturday morning, but I saw my brother had left for school, so I decided to take advantage of the little computer time I have here. But I'm torn because I really need to go for a run. I'm beginning to realize how important balance is in life (back to Buddhism). Without doubt I think pretty intensely (though not always effectively), and that can be some tiring shit. I think I even think when I sleep. So I need a period when I can just absolutely kill myself by pushing my body to the brink of fatigue and collapse. I gotta balance my mental and bodily stresses. If I'm gonna choose to live so intensely and stressfully then I got to balance it out.
Anyway, last night was Friday night, so we had our typical movie to watch as a group. This night it was at my house, and the group chose among my 70 dvds the one dvd that I really didn't want to share with the world. I guess I take a lot of pride in the media I collect. You know songs, books, and movies that I find particulary applicable to my life. Most of the time I willingly share, actually I proclaim what these songs, books, or movies are as if to announce to the world, "Yes, I am a sensitive, literate, intellectual being." I mean with songs like "Mr. Jones" and "Satellite" and even "Walk Away" (ben harper) they all really mean something to me, but at the same time I think to a certain extent they are just another part of my self-made image.
However, this movie I was so reluctant to watch with the group. I considered it my own. I had first seen it in London when I had a day there on my own waiting for my soccer team to meet me the next day for our tour of England. So I ended up going to this little theater somewhere near Sherlock Holmes "residence", and it was showing Fareinheit 911(I know that's spelled wrong) and Before Sunset. Having already seen Fareinheit 911 the day before in Paris, I opted for the second which apparently was a crappy romance movie.
But walking out of the theater after watching the movie, I was engrossed in thought and revalation by the movie that had just articulated the hazy notions of life that constantly distract my concentration. To me this movie was me, or at least a huge part of me at this point in my life. (I'm sure as I grow older I'll laugh at how stupid I was to believe such a thing.) A few days ago, I found the prequel to Before Sunset and watched it on my own. Same deal. To put it how Eliot Smith put it, "I was in love with the world through the eyes of a [movie]"
Anyway, as I held up each of my 70 dvd's for the group to nix or yea, I came to these two dvds and I held them up believing that nobody would have heard of them or even be attracted by the dull cover. And of course I hear Celine say, "I love that movie!" or something like that, and putting it dramatically my heart dropped for two reasons. One, the fact that someone else could maybe have the same affinity for a movie I felt uniquely mine. Two, because watching this movie would be like reading my dairy (if I had one) outloud for their entertainment if I chose to tell them how revealing it was to me. (Which the expression on my face probably gave away, though I always tend to think my body gives off a lot more obvious signals than people actually catch.) But what was I to do? So we watched it, and everybody loved it. And the night was over.
So now the secret is out, if you want to know David Wang watch these two movies. And you know what, now that I'm announcing it and that the movies are no longer uniquely mine in my mind, maybe all I'm doing be writing this email is add to my own image. Since I can no longer feel unique about my understanding of this movie. Or maybe when I watch it I do feel closer than anybody else does. But w/e. C'est la vie, non?
Thinking about what I just wrote it seems corny, but I guess these emails are sort of my diary and people end up reading it because I can't stand writing something so secret that it will never be known. And I guess you might just read these emails for your interest or entertainment, and even my blog is for people's interest and entertainment. But it's, in Anna Nalick's words, my blogs and my emails are basically "my diary screaming outloud." People probably read w/e I write and don't comprehend what the hell I'm saying even if they understand the words I wrote. But at least I don't have to be present while my "diary" being read feeling embarassed that something means so much to you might be stupid or banal or corny to others. I mean do other peopel have this reaction to things that are not their own yet seem so personal that you hate that just anyone can experience it feeling some interest but not the deep seeded bond between it and your truthes and dilemnas. You know what even what I was just talking about is discussed in Before Sunrise, "the ability to love is the ability to totally understand a person."
So please excuse teenage boy life questioning rambles.
In other news, I guess I found out early from Carleton. Because I wasn't supposed to find out till April 1, but my dad called the other day to let me know that I needed a Visa to get back into China after going to Hong Kong and that I got in to college. I wasn't that excited, I'm not exactly sure why. I mean like you, I'm pumped about going, but I'm also going to miss my life. When I think back to this years soccer season I'm so pissed that I didn't work even harder to make the tournement or if I just ran a little harder would it of killed me? And thinking back to France, did I really value that experience enough. The images in my head of it are so beautiful. And did I make the right choices in high school? Should I of quit basketball? Was I nice to the people I care about? And why the hell did I decide to take AP Math for four years when I could've been learning Chinese which is what really matters right now.
Anyway this turned into a real mess of an email. Along the way I kinda forgot what I needed to respond to in your email, but I find that I actually don't like it when people respond to my actual comments in my emails b/c they never understand me. After all they are my makeshift diary. (Not that you shouldn't respond to this email, just make sure to add your own tough you know.) So I was gonna blog something today, and I think this email took me too long so I'm gonna post it. I hope you don't mind.
d
ps. I don't give a shit about a limo or really prom. As long as we all have a good time together.
pss.
posted by dAVID @ 8:39 PM
1 Comments:
You're just the same as everyone else in that you are so unique. How's that for profound bullshit?
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