Back In Brookline
Weird food:everything
So I've been back in the US for about a week now, and it's hard to say how I feel as usual. I'm not feeling the culture shock that everyone said I'd have. Sure, it's a little weird to be back and go directly to Prom and Senior Day and stuff, but I'm having more fun than shock. I'm back to myself, a self that I'm not so sure is good for me but I like all the same. I think a lot of times when people travel for extended periods of time they realize how much they valued their home, and I too feel this. I love seeing my friends. Sleeping next to my dog. And being able to drive.
But there is something that is different and not altogether settling. It's the fact that I realize that I'm more aware of who I am. Gaelen said before we left that we'd probably come back and feel like we should've changed or grown but we'd be disappointed. Yet, I know I've changed. I'm more aware of who I am, and more importantly who I am in the context of the world, as a human. As idealistic and unbelievable as this sounds, it's actually not. I have trouble pointing to exactly how I'm more cognaissant of the world. I mean my room is still very messy, I still am procrastinating, I still am constantly unsatisfied with myself, I go out too much and come home to late, and my thoughts and emotions still can't be leashed and controlled. But now I feel more optimistic and confident about confronting all these things about myself. In Buddhist theory, when we focus too much on ourselves and our relatively small problems we become anxious and scared, but when we zoom out and realize the proportion of our problems they become manageable and that's how I feel now.
Tomorrow I graduate from BHS. Everyone is having graduation parties and stuff. Personally I'm not all that excited. I feel like I was done a while ago. My friends also don't seem too thrilled; it seems like parents are the ones who are excited and throwing parties and stuff to celebrate. I guess they see it as their own success for getting their kid through high school. After we graduate we'll be the one's setting the bar, and our parents can sit back and watch, or at least it feels like that.
Anyway this'll probably be my last blog on this site at least. So thanks for reading and stuff.
dAVID
posted by dAVID @ 10:17 AM
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